Okay so I’ve reviewed this both previous years I believe… And I actually HAVE seen the theatrical cut in 3D now. Felt like reviewing that by itself was a bit silly.

(Brief review of 3D version: The expected pandering is really fun, but there’s also some subtle stuff I wouldn’t have expected. The eggs being thrown, and the tree going out the window are highlights though.)

So, this is the extended cut that I’ve been wanting to see for a while. It adds around seven minutes of content. Does this content add to an already great movie, or was it excised for good reason? I will be spoiling the extended additions here, and with good reason…

That being that, sorry to say, for the most part, the movie benefits from having these additions removed. A lot of it is little clips trimmed here and there, lines clipped. Clearly edits made to get the theatrical running time down below 90 minutes. To be honest the movie is tighter and better for these changes.

Adrian’s role is expanded, but is only actually funny at one point. That being when Kumar points out that Adrian loves Christmas despite being Jewish. There’s a totally stupid bit when his character is first introduced that has him renting out Kumar’s bathroom to homeless people. Now I’m not against scatalogical humor, but this was just… Dumb. Makes Adrian look like a jerk. Well, more a jerk. In fact a lot of the additions involving his character are just… pointless.

The great Tom Lennon gets a bit more screen time when, after picking Harold up from work, they visit White Castle. (Yes, a large piece of gratuitous product placement was CUT from the film!)

The story behind why Mr Perez hates Koreans is also expanded, and has a great visual addition I will NOT spoil but this should have been left in. (John Cho suffered for nothing!) However its removal doesn’t really detract.

Which brings us to the ABSOLUTE WORST CHANGE IN THE ENTIRE FILM! Quite possibly in the entire cinematic history of Hollywood. A change which made me sad. It’s hard to approach this without spoiling the theatrical cut and one of the best parts of the movie so I’ll choose my words carefully…. Those who have seen the theatrical cut will be shocked to know…

THE ENTIRE MUSICAL NUMBER IS MISSING! No, I am not kidding, the song is GONE. Yes, one of the most memorable parts of the theatrical cut is completely different in this version, and grossly inferior. Oh the scenes are still there; in extended form. Instead of the very funny song there’s Harold and Kumar exchanging barbs with each other.

It’s a baffling change that I just don’t get. The sequence still ends in the same spot but… What was one of the funniest parts of the movie is just gone. Staggeringly bad editorial decision.

Of all the additions, the only one that should have been left in the theatrical cut is the early White Castle scene as it adds some depth to Todd and Harold’s relationship. The director of NPH’s Christmas Extravaganza has more lines, and I wish it had been left in simply because of how he says Des Moines.

Overall this extended cut is a disappointment. I’ve been wanting to see this since I learned of its existence a few years ago. I mean I wasn’t expecting a LOT from a mere 7 minutes or so but this cut has no real reason to exist. The stuff removed was all removed for good reason and adds very little over the theatrical cut.

So basically watch the original as the extended isn’t worth the bother.

This is my absolute favourite Christmas movie (tied with Christmas Vacation) and the additional 7 minutes do nothing to enhance the movie, bar the aforementioned White Castle addition.

4 out of 5 Jingle Bells. Okay so it should be 5 but I was disappointed so I’m knocking a bell off and sticking with the superior theatrical version which gets 5 out of 5.

 

2016 Christmas Movie Reviews List

Badly sprained a finger chasing one of my kids so had to skip yesterday. It’s still very bad today but I’m going to keep going if I can. I AM IN PAIN!

This was a movie that simply popped up on my DVR as “Movie”. Since it was at the time when they show Christmas movies, I figure WHY NOT! And recorded it.

It turned out to be A Perfect Christmas List. Hoping to get my mojo back after the last atrocity. With no actual TV listing I’ve NO IDEA AT ALL what the plot is. HOLD ME! I’M SCARED!

WOW! It’s Al from Home Improvement!!! And Mrs Cunningham from Happy Days! And… Her! From that thing!

Marion Ross plays a grandmother who fell down, went boom. She’s laid up for Christmas. While talking about leaving her condo and moving somewhere without stairs, busy body mother overhears part of the discussion. Of course it’s a “get the wrong end of the stick” sort of movie it seems, so instead of “time to go” from her Condo all she gets is “time to go” from this life. Yes, she’s convinced grandma has a week left to live. HILARITY ENSUES!

Grandma has a list. A Perfect Christmas List. Things she wants to do for a perfect Christmas. So family decides to make them all come true because they think it’s her bucket list.

This was great. Only thing missing was a wintery environment, but I guess the reality is a lot of people DON’T get a white Christmas.

So much Christmas Spirit in this movie. If you don’t feel full of it by the end, you may want to check for a pulse.

5 out of 5 Jingle Bells

 

2016 Christmas Movie Reviews List

 

A store devoted to Christmas hats. That seems awfully niche!

Haylie Duff stars in this. Mostly know her from her cooking show. Though we did watch her last year in a Christmas film and she was quite good.

Husband missing presumed dead. Hinting indicates Haylie’s kid has health issues.

I’m having a hard time getting past the fact we have a year round Christmas store. And why would a tiny little non chain store have an ENORMOUS WAREHOUSE OF INVENTORY?!?! And the movie says they all live in a small town. HOW IS THIS FINANCIALLY VIABLE?!?!

Anyway the owners son comes in to help with business. BIG REVEAL! Haylie’s kid is in a wheelchair. CALLED IT! So disabled child. Husband confirmed as dead.

I has a jolly! *sob*

Not sure what the son was actually bought in for as he spends his time at the shop alternating between being charming and a total jerk. Annoyed by the fact that Nick (the guy) goes to Haylie’s house to help her kid with a pumpkin. (Yes, it’s a Christmas movie partly set in October… I’m hearing no Jingle Bells at the end of this…) Nick starts pushing the kids wheelchair without asking if that’s okay. I’ve known a few people stuck in wheelchairs, whether temporarily (been there myself) or permanently, and they get mad if you push without asking if it’s okay.

I did not enjoy this movie at all. Cliched. Dull. Barely Christmassy DESPITE INVOLVING A BLOODY CHRISTMAS HAT SHOP WHICH SHOULD NOT BE FINANCIALLY VIABLE! And has the worlds most predictable ending. Not just the usual romantic ending, but the… I can’t say anything without “spoiling” it (like 3 year old yogurt would “spoil”) And it has the tedious “something happens to break the couple up”… Just hateful.

This was a terrible story, turned into a terrible screenplay, which in turn became a terrible, terrible movie. In fact to be brutally honest and serious for a second, garbage like this makes me want to quit doing this. Not just this year, but forever. This is offensively bad.

May Krampus come for all involved.

0 out of 5 Jingle Bells

 

2016 Christmas Movie Reviews List

 

ESTABLISHING AERIAL SHOT!!! Though not New York… Chicago?? Nope, it’s Los Angeles! I think…

“Visual Effects Supervisor” credit. My response: Holy crap, this has visual effects???

Mayim Bialik works for an ad agency. A return to a recurring meme of 2014. She winds up sharing a bed and breakfast with a stranger after her flight home is delayed. A flight taken due to the fact her boyfriend dumps her right as they’re going to move in together at Christmas. Instead he breaks up with because MERRY CHRISTMAS! She’s also rendered homeless because her roommate has rented out her room already. Oh dear.

There’s a tall handsome guy trying not to look like Clark Kent. He’s the aforementioned stranger. I would look his name up but I prefer Tall Handsome Guy. A quick IMDB search… And he was in HOLLY’S HOLIDAY, the movie that started this mad adventure in 2014! (He played a mannequin come to life.)

For the second time this CME the awesome Brian Doyle Murray plays Santa. WIN!

Lot of Christmas. Santa playing matchmaker… Really torn on how to score this fun Christmas romantic comedy…

I think for the first time ever I’m going to have to split the score.

3.5 out of 5 Jingle Bells

 

2016 Christmas Movie Reviews List

 

Opening shot is a HUGE lit up tree. Lovely!

Dead relatives everywhere! GAH!

Frankly I’m not even sure what the plot description was… Lawyer husband gets fired as wife finds out she’s pregnant right before Christmas. Neither tells the other the news. Family arrives etc…

One thing of note: The Christmas Tree in the family house is the worst decorated I’ve EVER seen. 20 lights on a 12 foot tree. That’s it. (Though it fills out later.)

Lots of Christmas in this movie but very little in the way of plot. Movie picked up in the final third but they’re making a big assumption that anyone is still awake at that point. If you DO manage to stay awake however, you’re rewarded with a fun final 20 or so minutes.

“One Year Later” may be the trope of the year.

out of Jingle Bells

 

2016 Christmas Movie Reviews List

I have zero standards this year. I am recording EVERY SINGLE CHRISTMAS MOVIE on my TV. Though I was drawn to this one as the plot started “After unexpectedly moving to Alaska…”

So far death has been part of the first four movies I’ve watched. This is getting annoying.

ESTABLISHING AERIAL SHOT! But not of Manhattan! No, San Francisco. Nice shot of Alcatraz. I wish I was there. Right now. In a cell. Not watching Christmas movies. HAHA! Candace Cameron Bure (Kirk Cameron’s slightly saner sister) plays a surgeon who gets dumped. AH! So THAT’S how she wound up in Alaska… Hang on… No, that doesn’t explain anything!

I’ll give away no more, but the town she moves to has a secret… A dark secret? I hope so! I’m guessing vampires!

FINALLY! A movie with no death, and ACTUAL CHRISTMAS! Movies oozes Christmas. The plot is obvious but it’s still lovely. I want to live in a small town like Garland.

As with most Christmas movies, the ending is obvious. You watch for the journey. This was an enjoyable journey. Best so far.

5 out of 5 Jingle Bells

 

2016 Christmas Movie Reviews List

Readers of previous years, guess what this starts with… THE AERIAL ESTABLISHING SHOT OF MANHATTAN! HUZZAH! ALL IS WELL! Etc… Etc…

It’s all downhill from there. Con man switches body with dying old man who has been a store Santa for 50 years. Boredom ensues. Not even Natasha Henstridge can save it.

Bad bad movie. I started zoning out and watching my Christmas screensaver instead I was so bored. I suffered it to the end SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO!

It’s quite Christmassy. I’ll give it that. Though mostly unwatchable barring the inevitable feel good last ten minutes.

1 out of 5 Jingle Bells.

 

2016 Christmas Movie Reviews List